Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Day 7 of 365: Hungry Like the Wolf

I got home from work and I was famished. Plus I thought Oh goodie! Our actual internet connection is due to be up and running today. And Ian might be online! isn't working, and Ian "couldn't stay up long enough to wait" for me and he was "zonked."

Tonight I turn to mac & cheese. My comfort food is cheese. I've been eating it a lot lately, even though I'm not supposed to because of my high cholesterol. But when you're in an LDR and getting frustrated, sometimes comfort food is all you've got.

As I sit and nibble on my bowl of love and warmth, I remember the first 6 months Ian and I were together. I suppose we were in the "honeymoon" phase. We would talk every night, spend hours upon hours on the weekends talking about anything and everything. After he left from America, work picked up for him for the summer, so we would take two nights off a week. Now, goodness....between him being ill, and not being able to stay awake all the time, and my internet not working properly, I'm lucky if I get to talk to him twice a week. *sighs*

But honestly, I miss the old days when we'd talk every night. Yeah, it got hard sometimes because I felt I was missing my life, but now that I know my life is going to be spent with him, all I want to do is speak with him. I know, I know, I may be crazy and I need to live life more (which I'm going to try and do as much as I can over the next few months)....but he doesn't really make the effort anywhere like he used to. Yeah he sent me roses on Christmas Eve, but they're just flowers to me. I cried because I would've much rather had him then flowers once again. He used to leave me cute little comments on MySpace....he doesn't do that anymore. And we've had conversations where he thinks that I think he doesn't care anymore, which isn't true. But our relationship isn't the same.

The honeymoon period is over. *sighs*

And he always tells me I need to focus on what we DO have, rather than what we DON'T have, but I can't help it. I'm a woman! I do that sort of thing!

Maybe I'm just being selfish?

I think I'll finish my bowl and then maybe crawl into bed early and watch Sex and the City. Oooorrrrr I'll call my ISP and deal with all the outsourced workers on the phone.

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